Bring back duels!

The obvious next step for social media influencers

Hello Idiots!

Last week I wrote that no matter what business you are in, you have to be ready to embrace change.

That was about art thieves. This time it’s a different, but equally respectable profession and the theme is the same: adapt or die.

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The pandemic hasn’t been all bad. It gave a lot of people time to try different things and learn stuff they otherwise would not have.

Everybody is “not a financial advisor” now.

Everybody is an entrepreneur now.

Everybody is a medical expert now.

And it appears all social media “influencers” are boxers too now!

If you don’t know who Logan Paul is, that’s probably for the best. In short: he’s an influencer, and to be honest, I’m not too familiar with his “work.”

I called it quits on the research after my deep dive on him (read: quick Google search) led me to a time he posted a creepy video with the dead body of a suicide victim in Japan a few years ago.1

In my mind, he’s best known for being the older brother of Jake Paul. Jake is also an influencer. He’s best known for generally being an asshole, I think.

There’s not much to say about the Paul brothers without sounding like a bitter boomer: they’re annoying, young, obnoxious punks who figured out how to monetize their repugnant qualities via social media and got rich and famous in the process.

Anyway, they’ve been going around fighting people lately.

First, younger brother Jake (24, 6’1”) fought former NBA player Nate Robinson (37, 5’9”). This is how that fight ended:

The Internet remains undefeated. RIP Nate Robinson.

Jake went on to box (and beat) retired MMA fighter Ben Askren. That fight can be watched here, though from what I hear you’re better off staying here with me (boring fight).

The latest circus, err boxing match, was this past Sunday with older brother Logan (26) facing off against 44-year-old Floyd Mayweather, a name you’re probably familiar with.

Mayweather, now retired, is 50-0 in his professional boxing career, and is widely considered to be the 2nd best pound-for-pound fighter of all time.2

I didn’t watch the fight, but apparently it “went the distance” (read: Mayweather allowed Paul to last 8 rounds).

By all accounts, it was a snooze fest and fans were not happy.

The highlight was probably when Mayweather knocked out Paul but held him up so the fight could go on. Great business decision.

There were no judges, so there was no winner or loser decided. Very 2021.

I don’t know who Reddit user ‘scriwrit’ is, but I think he/she and I would get along:

So, I take it back, there were losers: anybody who paid for the fight.

Speaking of paid:

One website has written, without citing any sources, that Mayweather was guaranteed $10 million and 50 percent of the pay-per-view buys, while Paul was guaranteed $250,000 and 10 percent of the pay-per-view buys. A number of other news websites have repeated those numbers, also without citing any sources.

- New York Times

We don’t know exactly how much each “fighter” made from the match because we don’t know how many people purchased the fight ($49.99), but it was probably worth getting punched in the face 43 times if you’re Paul.

For Mayweather, the fight was legalized bank robbery. His words, not mine:

“I believe in working smarter, not harder. So if it’s something easy like [the Paul fight], a legalized bank robbery, I gotta do it. I have to do it.”

- Floyd Mayweather, NY Post

So obviously the end game is money, which I’m not here to knock. In fact, that’s why I’m here.

Because there’s a limit to how much money you can squeeze out of (bad) boxing. Eventually, people will grow tired of the product and stop buying it.

Not only that, but there’s also a TON of bad boxing in the pipeline:

“Social Gloves: Battle of the Platforms - YouTubers vs. TikTokers” is the next big pay-per-view event, taking place this Saturday, June 12.

Ever heard of diminishing returns?

This means if you want to stay ahead of the social media curve, NOW is the time to start plotting the next big money-making scheme after boxing.

And lucky for any influencers reading this, I have just the thing: BRING BACK DUELS.

A boxing match is like the virgin daiquiri of squashing beef.

A duel is how real men settle scores. Like a Bourbon, neat.

Just ask Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton.

“But Dunning, that’s insane! Duels aren’t even legal anymore!”

I knew you’d say that:

The only downside is that it looks like weapons are not allowed. That might make things messier, but I’d argue it will also make for more entertaining duels. Silver linings.

Now, all you need to do is pack up your bags and head down to Texas, where everything’s bigger except the state income taxes!

Then you gather all the Internet’s best influencers, the cream of the crop, and you hold a single-elimination tournament.

Think March Madness, except it’s influencers fighting to the death.

At the end of it all, one lucky influencer is named supreme!

What do you guys think!?

TL;DR: Single-elimination duel tournament for influencers.

I really think this idea has legs. If you or someone you know is a social media influencer please reach out, I’d love to help organize this!

Thanks for reading!



Your move, art theives


Link to article (sans creepy video).


I am the first.