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Good boys and girls get fired
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Good boys and girls get fired

K9s jobs + Consumers wigging out + WTOTY + Astros PR + Boring in Ft. Lauderdale + Idiot Buffet

Pablo Antonio
Jul 9, 2021
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Hello Idiots! ✊

A few knuckleballs to take you into the weekend.

If someone sent you this email, they’re telling you to sign up. You can do that here:

#CANNABIS

Good boys and girls get fired

In Albuquerque, NM a bunch of good boys and girls are being either laid off or forced into early retirement following the legalization of marijuana.

Unfortunately, even the goodest of K9s are unable to communicate to police officers the difference between a pinch of the devil’s lettuce and a pound of brown sugar.

That means a search warrant obtained by way of wet noses could violate a person’s rights, so doggos have 2 options: find a new job, or start digging up those bones buried in the backyard.

My guess is most of them opt for early retirement. After all, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

Source: Facebook

Or can you?

“Once the new canines are trained, the handlers will have the option of retiring their current assigned canine to their home, or we will look at other options to the likes of donating them to other law enforcement entities outside of the state of New Mexico who have yet to legalize marijuana.”

- New Mexico State Police

#ECONOMY

Consumers are violently spending their pandemic savings

Total consumer credit rose by 10%, or $35B, in May. Consumers put more money on their credit cards than they have in 5 years.

That’s because we (America) saved over $2.6T (with a T) over the course of the pandemic. Worldwide that number jumps to $5.4T.

This is excellent news because consumer spending accounts for 2/3 of the country’s economic activity, and it looks like people will continue revenge spending those savings throughout the summer.

Speaking of summer, it’s here and has everyone pulling the stops when it comes to looking their best.

And it’s not just lipstick, sundresses, and Balenciaga Crocs, toupee and wig store sales are up 75% for the period of May 2020-2021 compared to Feb 2019-2020!

#BASKETBALL

Found: WTOTY1

This happened last week but I couldn’t get it out of my head:

Twitter avatar for @SportsCenterSportsCenter @SportsCenter
Patrick Beverley was ejected after shoving Chris Paul from behind.
Image

July 1st 2021

4,056 Retweets34,496 Likes

I’m not sure what Chris Paul did to Frank Kaminsky (the big goofy white guy), but it must’ve been bad.

He must have banged his girlfriend, or mowed his lawn without his permission, or snuck into his house in the middle of the night and adjusted the thermostat.

Or all 3!

Because I haven’t seen disregard for a teammate’s well-being this blatant since Delonte West slept with his teammate’s mother.2

Delonte West DENIES Sex With LeBron James' Mom | HuffPost

So it was something to that effect, or maybe Kaminsky even went as far as hiring Patrick Beverley himself to take Paul out, and Beverley just couldn’t get the job done.

It’s the only reasonable explanation, because we know that Kaminsky wanted absolutely nothing to do with helping out his point guard:

Twitter avatar for @BigMoneyPlayStefano Vaccarino @BigMoneyPlay
Honestly Frank Kaminsky has gotta know what’s coming there and take one for the team
Image

July 1st 2021

3 Retweets39 Likes

Whether or not he put the hit out on Paul or not, we’ll never know.

The only thing we know for sure is that Frank “the Tank” Kaminsky does not give a singular f*ck:

Twitter avatar for @LWashingtonTVLina Washington @LWashingtonTV
Frank Kaminsky: big Chug A Beer guy. @12News #WeAreTheValley
Image

July 1st 2021

255 Retweets2,706 Likes

P.S. Suns in 4

Twitter avatar for @TheHoopCentralHoop Central @TheHoopCentral
Suns and Nuggets fan got into a fight last night: "Imma fu*k your boy up...Suns in 4!" (h/t @BarbersChairNet)
Image

June 12th 2021

1,234 Retweets8,494 Likes
#BASEBALL

Grading the Houston Astros All-Stars’ public relations (PR) skills

Carlos Correa and Jose Altuve made their 2nd and 7th All-Star Games this year, respectively.

Unfortunately(?), they won’t be playing on Tuesday night due to the fact that they are cheaters who do not have the required equipment (balls) to step foot inside a locker room full of guys who might have reason to believe they took something from them.

Not a single person in possession of a functioning brain believes anything coming out of the mouth of anyone who played on the 2017 Astros, especially not these 2 bozos.

With that being said, let’s evaluate their individual performances in the art of the spin-zone (read: PR).

Twitter avatar for @brianmctaggartBrian McTaggart @brianmctaggart
Carlos Correa on why he’s skipping the All-Star Game
Image

July 8th 2021

97 Retweets820 Likes

Just way too many words out of Correa here. There’s absolutely no reason to spend more than 2 minutes on this. That’s about 100 seconds too long. Especially when you’ve got the pregnant wife card in your back pocket.

You play that card right off the bat, that way YOU control the narrative.

Grade: D+

Twitter avatar for @MarkBermanFox26Mark Berman @MarkBermanFox26
Jose Altuve on choosing not to play in the All-Star Game: “I really want to thank everybody that voted for me, that believe in me. I really need these four days. I’m putting my team first because I really think we have a chance to win this year.”
Image

July 8th 2021

250 Retweets2,185 Likes

Much better job by Altuve! Night and day, really.

Short, sweet, and to the point. He thanked the fans, said he needed to rest, and put the team first.

Class, class, class!

Grade: A+

Two other Astros were selected to the All-Star Game: Michael Brantley and Ryan Pressly. They will be playing in the summer classic.

For those keeping score at home: Brantley and Pressly were not members of the 2017 Houston Astros.

Houston Asterisks (@HoustonAsteris5) | Twitter
#ELONMUSK

Musk wants to build another Boring tunnel

Twitter avatar for @DeanTrantalisMayor Dean J. Trantalis @DeanTrantalis
Fort Lauderdale formally accepted tonight a proposal from @elonmusk's @boringcompany to build an underground transit system between downtown and the beach. Other firms have 45 days to submit competing proposals. This could be a truly innovative way to reduce traffic congestion.
Image

July 7th 2021

903 Retweets6,018 Likes

I don’t what it is about underground tunnels, but Elon Musk f*cking loves making plans to build them.

The city of Ft. Lauderdale accepted a proposal from The Boring Company to build one connecting downtown FLL to the beach.

The proposed cost? $10-12M per mile x 6 miles = $60-72M.

A 6-mile underground tunnel in South Florida, which is built on limestone, for only $72M?

Yea In Your Bra GIFs | Tenor

The Boring Company is building a similar tunnel in Ontario, Canada right now. The initial estimated cost for that was $45M.

It turns out that number was way off. The final bid came in at $85M. That tunnel is only 4 miles long.

And for those reasons, I’m out.

Just like I doubt Musk will follow through on the proposed tunnel under the Brickell Avenue Bridge here in Miami, I highly doubt this Ft. Lauderdale project will ever see the light of day.

IDIOT BUFFET

How to get rich in the stock market: join Congress. The Pelosis have made some suspiciously timed trades 🤔

Now youzz in New Yawwkkk!

Twitter avatar for @dougboneparthDouglas A. Boneparth @dougboneparth
NYC IS BACK, BABY!
Image

July 8th 2021

399 Retweets3,167 Likes

WTF is going on in Haiti? The president, Jovenel Moïse, was ASSASSINATED in his home early Wednesday morning. Haitian police have arrested 2 Americans (from South Florida) and 15 Colombian nationals.

Six men accused of killing the Haitian president sitting on the floor. Two arrows point out American citizens James Solages and Joseph Vincent

Kurt Warner’s story is pretty damn inspiring: he went from bagging groceries to winning a Super Bowl. So inspiring that they’re making a movie about it. Except I think it’s a parody? I mean, this can’t be serious, right? YOU tell me:

Twitter avatar for @LightsCameraPodLights, Camera, Pod @LightsCameraPod
First look at Zachary Levi as Kurt Warner in 'American Underdog', releasing this December. Thoughts?
Image

July 7th 2021

514 Retweets4,403 Likes

Putting yesterday’s market “crash” into perspective:


Whatcha say we make it a great weekend? ✊

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Worst Teammate of the Year

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Allegedly

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