Adrian's Kickback, Hitters can't hit, Childish Gambino
Hello Idiots ✊
A quick little mid-week mixed bag to give you something to talk about over dinner tonight.
If someone forwarded you this email, they’re telling you to sign up. You can do that here:
Adrian’s Kickback confirms kids are a bunch of little dickheads
I’m not up on the specifics of this story (mostly because I don’t care, partly because scrolling through Tik Tok gives me a headache), but it looks like some young fella out in California named Adrian is more popular than he thought.
That. Or today’s yutes are just a bunch of little dickheads.
Apparently, our protagonist put out a Tik Tok1 asking people to help him celebrate his birthday with a chill night on Huntington Beach. A kickback.
The details can be found in any of these links, but in the end, police arrested 148 on charges of vandalism, setting off illegal fireworks, and curfew violations (in addition to allegedly throwing rocks, bottles, and, yes, fireworks at police).
When I was a kid the worst things we did were things like throwing eggs at cars. Or missing curfew a few times. Or repurposing the liquor in the family liquor cabinet. Or accidentally getting arrested but not really.
You know, the boys will be boys stuff. Nothing like this!
Stop making fun of position players!
I’m hearing a lot of chatter in the Internet streets. A lot of negative chatter.
It’s all “He couldn’t hit water if he fell out of a boat” this, or, “My grandmother has a better swing and she’s dead” that.
They’re referring, of course, to the abysmal hitting performance that has been on display this season in baseball.
And I’m sick of it.
So what the MLB batting average of 0.237 is the lowest since 1968?
Hitting is hard! Do you think it’s easy to square up a round ball with a round object?
So what there have been SIX2 no-hitters already this year including 4 THIS MONTH?
Pitchers are good! They say hitting a major league a 90 mph fastball is the hardest thing to do in sports…and pitchers throw harder now!
My cousin’s kid just turned 7 and he’s touching 80-81 already. YOU tell me.
Having said that, I didn’t just come here to defend hitters, I came with a solution.
Let them pitch:
Boom. Playing field = leveled.
Until, of course, you get a try-hard position player who ruins the fun for everyone:
And now we’re back at square one.
P.S. To purists who are butt-hurt over hitters teeing off on those pitches from position players, I would say:
Don’t serve up absolute MEATBALLS
Give up fewer runs
Can you blame the hitters? They need to pump up their stats somehow!
Position players pitching is the pinnacle American professional sports
Childish Gambino says cancel culture is to blame for shitty content
I think Donald Glover is a genius. Not in the “A Beautiful Mind” way, but in the can-pick-up-anything-and-immediately-be-good-at-it type of way.
He’s an actor, director, producer, rapper, comedian, and writer.
And he’s pretty damn good at all of those things. At least I think he is.
A couple of weeks ago he took to Twitter to address some concerns about the subpar content:
In short: cancel culture.
Ironically, the tweets have since been deleted (which is why they look funky in that screenshot).
I have no idea if they were deleted because people somehow managed to get offended by them, or if it’s just a weird mysterious celebrity thing (there are only a handful of old tweets on his profile now).
Either way. LOL
P.S. Having 2.5M followers and following ZERO people is such a power move:
Thanks for reading! ✊
If you enjoyed please share!
Serious question: do you “put out” a Tik Tok? Or do you “do” a Tik Tok? Or is it something way cooler, like “rippin’ Toks”? If you know the answer please let me know!
7 if you count Madison Bumgarner’s 7-inning performance