Brown v. The Board of Education of Topeka
Roe v. Wade
Cherie DeVille v. Cox
Ok, so the last one isn’t exactly a Supreme Court case, but its outcome may be just as important as the first two.
It appears that over in Utah, Republican lawmakers, led by Governor Spencer Cox, hate America and want to block porn from cell phones and tablets.
Utah is a largely Mormon state, which means they’re largely…uptight? I don’t think I’ve ever actually met a Mormon, so I don’t want to generalize, but I think it’s a safe assumption.
Just to be sure, I consulted the Internet and found this handy list titled “How to be Mormon in just 73 easy steps” published by the Salt Lake Tribune. It’s pretty standard stuff:
21. Do regular disaster planning with your kids, from fire drills to flood plans. You can never be too prepared for the end of days.
27. Figure out how to use beans in fudge making and wheat in chili-making.
34. Do NOT NOT NOT have sex before marriage — no making out, either. In fact, just try not to think about sex at all.
43. Eat “better than sex” chocolate cake.
51. Make sure you know how to make funeral potatoes. (Hint: with cornflakes!)
58. Do feminine crafts like knitting, crocheting and quilting.
60. Wear makeup, because even an old barn looks good with a little paint on it.
64. No porn shoulders.
68. You can have up to one ear piercing per God’s instructions. Getting double-pierced ears is beyond the pale, so don’t push it.
Like I said, pretty standard stuff.
Enter the last person in the world a Mormon wants to see in Salt Lake City:
That’s right, the winner of 2020’s AIWARD’s Most Outrageous Sex Scene, Cherie DeVille! Maybe you’re familiar with some of her work - The Cum Exchange 2, Hide and Peep, or my personal favorite Meet the Fuckers? No? Doesn’t matter.
Ms. DeVille’s presidential campaign may have ended 2 years ago, but she is not done with politics just yet. Over the weekend she penned an open letter to the Utah Governor. To summarize:
Stop using ‘protect the children’ when your real goal is to stop adults from watching porn.
I’ll leave you to formulate your own opinion on the matter, but I’ve got a feeling HB72 is dead in the water.
Plus, we already know that DeVille isn’t afraid of a little Cox.
Ms. DeVille - thank you for your service.